Good eats?!

I grew up thinking my diet was limited. Mom's recipe repetoire consisted of ground beef, chicken, pork, canned tuna, noodles, sauces, green beans, corn, peas, ranch style beans, and potatoes. Sounds rather limited and repetitious at first glance, but Mom had skills (not Julia Childs kinds of skills, but she had a good 20 meals that were her stand bys and sometimes we'd throw all caution to the wind and make frozen pizza.

As I've grown up and paid more attention to the eating habits of others, particularly those I date, I am grateful for Mom and her old faithfuls. I'm glad she insisted on a green vegetable with dinner and didn't allow the serving of two carbs in one meal. She managed to give me a sound nutritional foundation and over time, I've expanded upon it.

Not so for everyone, however. The Ex would not eat tomatoes, onions, peppers or pickles and was scared of green peas. The man would eat salsa, ketchup and spaghetti sauce, but wouldn't eat the actual ingredients used to make salsa, ketchup and spaghetti sauce.

Thinking back, I've witnessed bizarre eating ever since I can remember. My grandfather would fry cornbread batter like a pancake, tear it into pieces, dump them in a bowl, and slop it up like breakfast cereal after adding a generous amount of buttermilk.

My brother got up one weekend morning, and decided not to wait on our parents to rise before having breakfast. Since they would sleep til 11 or later on the weekends, you can't really blame him. I heard him digging through the fridge for a while, and when he came back from the kitchen he had a sandwich--peanut butter, American cheese and cold left-over pork & beans.

My aunt (Hippie's first wife) had a weird snack that she turned me onto. She would eat nacho flavored Dorito's spread with cream cheese. (Have you ever had nacho flavored Dorito's? They quit making them for a while, but I have some in the house right now....In fact, earlier today I was hankering for some cream cheese.)

My sister was a total food phobe from the get go. She wouldn't eat foods that were mixed together...casseroles, mixed fruit/vegetables, soups, etc. She was totally hung up on textures and refused things lumpy or bumpy...tapioca pudding would send her into hysterics. She will not eat things that jiggle to this day. No custards, jellies or jello. But she'll eat sushi and oysters on the half shell, which just doesn't make good sense to me.

Her friends, founding members of the Kook Aid gang (about whom I keep promising a post and just never seem to do it), had truly frightening eating habits. Chiquito would eat any food (except onions and peppers), and the longer it sat out the more appetizing it became for him. He'd buy fast food in bulk, leave it in the bag on the counter and eat it for days, soggy buns, wilted lettuce, reheated mayonnaise...nothing would stop him. He had a never ending bowl of dip made from velveeta and wolf's chili. He'd nuke it and eat on it, leaving it out to congeal and form a protective layer across the top, only to nuke it and eat it again a day or two later. If it seemed he were ever in danger of running out of dip, he'd just add to the mixture already started in the bowl. My stomach and intestines are cramping in revulsion even as I type.

His sister, having equal food hang ups, refused to eat the meal I'd prepared and went into the kitchen to cook for herself. She started by scrambling some eggs. Then she added some of the mashed potatoes I'd made. And a can of tuna. And parmesan cheese. And then she topped it with ranch dressing. AND ATE IT!

A friend of my mom who stayed with us for a while, once offered to cook dinner since we so kindly gave her homeless ass a place to stay. She announced that she was making spaghetti. After an hour or so, when dinner wasn't ready yet, I went into the kitchen to see what was so complicated about spaghetti, especially since we had prego in the pantry. I arrived in time to see her pull a roasting pan out of the oven. She removed the lid and the noodles and tomato sauce were simmering alonside smoked sausage links and corn on the cob. My father took pity on us kids and took us to Denny's.

My friend's husband, who won't eat vegetables, puts jalapenos on his baked potatoes and hot sauce on his toast. My ex-roommate would eat cereal with water in it because he hated milk. Another roommate ate vanilla ice cream topped with Tony Chachere's cajun spices. (I myself prefer orange sherbert sprinkled with Nestle's quick.)

The other night Hippie at a hamburger with a fried egg on top of it. And the list goes on.

So here's a challenge for you. Do you have a weird food episode to share? Can it top the scrambled eggs or spaghetti I've mentioned above? Come on, tell us all about your good eats.