Adventures in duct tape

A few Christmases ago I was out shopping for my dad's Christmas gift. He'd either voiced a desire for or a complaint about the lack of a specific tool. Whichever way it happened, I found myself perusing the local Target. I chose a Home Improvement set, complete with hammer, 2 screwdrivers (flat and phillips heads), a level, a measuring tape and a picture of Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor. A child's tool set based on the characters of the TV series Home Improvement seemed the perfect gift for my father. He had, after all, blown up the engine of my car while changing out the battery. Funny how those ground wires react when touching metal.

Purchase complete, I set my mind to the task of making Dad's gift even more perfect. What could possibly be added to his Home Improvement basic tool set?

Duct tape!

I really get into my Christmas wrapping. If I do my job right, there will be no 2 presents under my tree that are the same and I really enjoy using non-traditional materials on my packages. When Mom asked me for an electric can opener, I was more than happy to oblige and to use a manual can opener tied on with ribbons as the bow. Wouldn't Dad's tool set be perfect with a roll of duct tape instead of a bow?

A couple weeks later, I was out shopping with the family, getting last minute items. My uncle was going to Ace Hardware for something. "Oh, good, " I told him, " I need to get some duct tape."

My uncle looked at me stangely, which I interpreted as a request for an explanation of the duct tape. I gushed into a synopsis of Dad, the tools and the duct tape/bow substitution.

"You can't make a bow out of duct tape," he answered.

Please allow me to digress for a moment to explain a little bit about the way my mind works. When I was 4, Mom had been taking me to the library and reading with me. One particular night, I wanted her to read to me. She wanted to cook dinner. "Fine," I huffed. (I think I was huffing anyway...it was a long time ago...but if I wasn't huffing, I damn well should have been!) "I'll read it myself." And I did. I sat on the couch, pointing to each word and reading "The Little Red Hen" loud enough that Mom came in from the kitchen to listen.

That moment was a defining one. No longer did I have to rely on others. I could and would do it myself. This lesson has stayed with me. No one tells me what I can or cannot do.

My uncle, with this simple statement, had laid down the gauntlet. I spent the rest of the afternoon in the back of my uncle's van, just me and 3 rolls of duct tape. (Should you find yourself in need of a duct tape bow, fold over the duct tape so that it doesn't stick to everything.)
By the end of the shopping spree my uncle was the proud owner of a very large, multi-petaled, silver duct tape bow. My aunt took the wreath off her front door and replaced it with my all-weather duct tape creation.

The next Christmas I just had to continue on the duct tape theme. Each male family member received a hand-made, fully functional duct tape wallet. Did you know duct tape comes in an assortment of fashionable colors?

The following year was met with lots of anticipation. What crazy duct tape gift would I come up with? The duct tape tie. Unlike my previous creations, the tie actually necessitated the use of scissors (the bow and wallets were made completely by hand). I was disheartened and only made the prototype tie, which I gave to my uncle on Christmas morning.

"I'll wear it to church when you come with me." You see, I am the black sheep of my holy-roller, protestant family. I became Catholic. The family wastes no opportunity in trying to bring me back into the fold. I declined, and the tie took up permanent residence on the coat rack by my aunt's front door.

Now I'm toying with the idea and plans for a duct tape belt. I'm at a loss how to make a buckle without buying the hardware from the craft store. I prefer to keep my creations purely duct tape. Good thing there's lots of time til Christmas.