There has been a drought on the Discovery Channel, a black hole of programming that has spanned the summer months, and that I hope has now come to an end. You see, somewhere in TV land is an executive who approved the decision to replace "Deadliest Catch" with "Swords:Life on the Line".
Mr. Executive, this blog's for you.
"Swords" is patterned after (blatantly rips off "Deadliest Catch".) Only the boats are smaller, they bring in one fish at a time (on the off chance the lines aren't tangled and sharks don't eat the fish), and the captains, well, they seem to be lacking in the TV personality department. Which is fine when they're fishing but not so great when they're on my TV.
The success of DC was not formulaic. You can't pull out boat B, insert Captain D and continue to have the show everyone's crazy for. It's the interplay of the captains to whom the viewers have pledged allegiance and the boats we root for. Kind of reminds me of knights at the Renaissance Festival. Take away one element (boat, crew, captain) and the whole shebang goes awry.
"Swords" just isn't "Deadliest Catch." (And to whoever put the pun in the title....raspberries to you. If someone hasn't caught on yet, Swords follows long-liners....hence "life on the line").
At first I dismissed the show altogether, sight unseen. But after an interminable absence of DC, I gave in and watched the marathon. (Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...) It was boring. At first I was wondering...That kinda looks like the girl from Perfect Storm....The captain of the Hanna Boden....Who played her? Amy Irving? No, that other actress.....Oh yeah, the owner of the Hanna Boden ripped off Johnathan when he tried to buy the boat. Why would you write a contract on a napkin anyway?...Oh well, God don't like ugly....She's captaining a boat whose previous captain died on board? Ewwww! Oh I remember....Mary Elizabeth Mastrontonio!!!!
As you can see, the action did not hold my interest.
Then there's the dirty rotten scoundrel captain. Who follows people and steals their fishing. Of course he tore his boat to hell by the end of the season. The idiot. And to keep things lively, he robbed his crew blind!!! I can do basic math, and if boat A brings in 24000 pounds and pays its crew $1800 a piece, how come DRS brought in 50000 pounds and his guys got $800????? MUTINY!
The memorial to the crew of the Andrea Gail was touching. No joking about that, I was teary eyed and covered in goose bumps.
And then the final episode played out, with a sad little captain's wager, that not all the captains were in on. Seems nobody wants to play with DRS. (Time to spin the wheel and buy a clue.)
The best part of the experience, in all honesty, was watching "Deadliest Catch" come on after the final credits rolled.
Please, Mr. Executive, let the rumors of DC not airing be lies. Beseechingly I've tried to get info, but someone's buttoned up his lips and thrown away the key...or the twitter account anyway. In the 80's Coca-Cola had to eat crow and admit that new coke sucked. It was so bad as I recall that I had to drink Pepsi. (I live in the south. We are not Pepsi people.) They brought back the original. Please follow suit. Give your viewers "Deadliest Catch" and not a cheap, counterfeit imitation. I really do not want to turn to "Whale Wars" for my boating needs. But I will if I have to.
I can understand your desire to try to replicate success. But when it comes to copying "Deadliest Catch", no one says it better than Nancy Reagan, "Just say no."
