Guest Speaker
My friend was a guest speaker this weekend, outing herself and her very unique situation to members of the general public for the first time. I'd link you to her blog, but not everyone is on 360. So, I'm posting her latest entry below.
Way to go, Les!
**********************************************
The (re)Birth of an Activist
Today I spoke as part of a GLBT panel to a church about what it’s like to live my life as an interracially married, polyamorous, bisexual woman. In college, I had helped found the Gay Lesbian Association (GLASS) in 1991, when I was young and idealistic, and felt I could change the world. I was part of the group and helped write the by-laws, and as part of the Student Senate, I helped push for approval of the group’s existence on campus. Somewhere after graduation between dual careers, moves, and babies I lost the drive to be vocal. I wish I could say I was in the closet, but really, I was still in denial about my sexuality.
I didn’t know what to do with those feelings, those longings, and I only knew two choices – lesbian or straight. I knew nothing of bisexuality, or of staying married in a mixed orientation marriage. I was taught it was either / or, not this and that. As I came out to myself and my husband, and stayed in the closet in order to keep my job, and feed our kids, I knew I couldn’t go to church again. It was a place, I had learned all too well, that even in the most progressive ones I’d attended, there was always a ‘hate the sin, but (at best) tolerate the sinner attending’ attitude when it came to anyone different.
This was like no church I had ever attended. It was in suburbia, mostly white, and it looked on the surface to be like all the others, this was truly a place that I had never even imagined could exist. Much less, already did.
I got to speak to them today. I had a chance to educate them about ways I am discriminated against, ways to be more welcoming on a personal level, and draw the correlation between the fight for racial equality to this struggle for sexual equality. But mostly, today, I became visible in the real world for the first time, as all of me.
I had previously only been out to select friends and family, telling them one at a time, and not ‘broadcasting’ it to the world. Today, I stood in front of two different sermons and said something like this.. Hi, I’m Leslie, I’m 37, married, 3 kids, a house, a dog, typical suburbia soccer mom, and I’m a polyamorous bisexual.
I know now that the way we change the views and the equality for those who are GLBTP is to be visible. The same way I’ve been visible with my husband. (Though that was hardly a choice even if I’d wanted to, to hide his race or our children.) That every day that we’re together as husband and wife, parents, co-workers, etc. The world sees us as people. Not as ‘that shhhh interracial couple’ in our neighborhood. Today, I began to stand up and be counted. Today I begin to believe again, that I can change the world, one day at a time.
The questions were varied; the acceptance was phenomenal. I spoke alongside 20-somethings who were all out and proud in college and part of their gay and lesbian student association that also does public speaking events. We talked about how to foster an accepting attitude with kids, within yourself, and within your communities, and how discrimination is pervasive - from no check boxes and no restrooms, to not being able to call someone your wife. I sought for the right words, and feel I left out so many of them. I hoped for the right way to make the members see it’s not about us versus. them in this world. I am not sure I said all the right things, or that I changed anyone’s mind. I certainly wasn’t as eloquent as I’d hoped. But I did convey the one thing that truly mattered to the members sitting in the audience who were just like me and had never verbalized it. You are not alone. I know I did this, because after each sermon, I had a spouse come up to me and say – you told my story. Thank you. So, today they walked out knowing they weren’t alone, and I know that standing up in front of that church and just being visible was enough. And they taught me, there are places where you can find acceptance and not feel alone.
If you want to know more about them, you can visit the church online and find a location near you at www.uua.org or feel free to email me. I am here to be visible and counted for all of us before who couldn’t be, and for those of us still to come, who maybe will be able to more easily now. I am here to say, we are not alone.
Leslie
Way to go, Les!
**********************************************
The (re)Birth of an Activist
Today I spoke as part of a GLBT panel to a church about what it’s like to live my life as an interracially married, polyamorous, bisexual woman. In college, I had helped found the Gay Lesbian Association (GLASS) in 1991, when I was young and idealistic, and felt I could change the world. I was part of the group and helped write the by-laws, and as part of the Student Senate, I helped push for approval of the group’s existence on campus. Somewhere after graduation between dual careers, moves, and babies I lost the drive to be vocal. I wish I could say I was in the closet, but really, I was still in denial about my sexuality.
I didn’t know what to do with those feelings, those longings, and I only knew two choices – lesbian or straight. I knew nothing of bisexuality, or of staying married in a mixed orientation marriage. I was taught it was either / or, not this and that. As I came out to myself and my husband, and stayed in the closet in order to keep my job, and feed our kids, I knew I couldn’t go to church again. It was a place, I had learned all too well, that even in the most progressive ones I’d attended, there was always a ‘hate the sin, but (at best) tolerate the sinner attending’ attitude when it came to anyone different.
This was like no church I had ever attended. It was in suburbia, mostly white, and it looked on the surface to be like all the others, this was truly a place that I had never even imagined could exist. Much less, already did.
I got to speak to them today. I had a chance to educate them about ways I am discriminated against, ways to be more welcoming on a personal level, and draw the correlation between the fight for racial equality to this struggle for sexual equality. But mostly, today, I became visible in the real world for the first time, as all of me.
I had previously only been out to select friends and family, telling them one at a time, and not ‘broadcasting’ it to the world. Today, I stood in front of two different sermons and said something like this.. Hi, I’m Leslie, I’m 37, married, 3 kids, a house, a dog, typical suburbia soccer mom, and I’m a polyamorous bisexual.
I know now that the way we change the views and the equality for those who are GLBTP is to be visible. The same way I’ve been visible with my husband. (Though that was hardly a choice even if I’d wanted to, to hide his race or our children.) That every day that we’re together as husband and wife, parents, co-workers, etc. The world sees us as people. Not as ‘that shhhh interracial couple’ in our neighborhood. Today, I began to stand up and be counted. Today I begin to believe again, that I can change the world, one day at a time.
The questions were varied; the acceptance was phenomenal. I spoke alongside 20-somethings who were all out and proud in college and part of their gay and lesbian student association that also does public speaking events. We talked about how to foster an accepting attitude with kids, within yourself, and within your communities, and how discrimination is pervasive - from no check boxes and no restrooms, to not being able to call someone your wife. I sought for the right words, and feel I left out so many of them. I hoped for the right way to make the members see it’s not about us versus. them in this world. I am not sure I said all the right things, or that I changed anyone’s mind. I certainly wasn’t as eloquent as I’d hoped. But I did convey the one thing that truly mattered to the members sitting in the audience who were just like me and had never verbalized it. You are not alone. I know I did this, because after each sermon, I had a spouse come up to me and say – you told my story. Thank you. So, today they walked out knowing they weren’t alone, and I know that standing up in front of that church and just being visible was enough. And they taught me, there are places where you can find acceptance and not feel alone.
If you want to know more about them, you can visit the church online and find a location near you at www.uua.org or feel free to email me. I am here to be visible and counted for all of us before who couldn’t be, and for those of us still to come, who maybe will be able to more easily now. I am here to say, we are not alone.
Leslie
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