All things in moderation

I enjoy the occasional cold, frosty, adult alcoholic beverage as much as any one else. But I've learned to stop at 2. "Why?" you might ask. Read the following scenarios and judge that one for yourself.

Reason #1 is pink fog. My uncle declared that everyone over the age of 12 was old enough to have wine with dinner and champagne when the new year rolled in. Woo Hoo! Instead of my allotted 2 drinks, I snuck 5. I was sleepy and happy. And seeing pink fog.

Reason #2 is hallucinations. Celebrating my birthday with the Ex, I ordered a bahama mama with my dinner at the seafood restaurant. As he was talking I watched as a picture of a fisherman spun around and did a 360. Mind you, I had 1 drink.

Reason #3 is loss of inhibitions. I had been angry with the Ex, and he bought me 2 margaritas trying to calm me down. We went to Walgreens to get necessary supplies for some adult fun, and as he later told me, I was screaming through the store, "I know where the KY is!! It's over by the condoms!!" I was evidently excited and proud to be getting some and didn't care who knew it. He didn't follow me to the section, and I went looking for him. "Ssssshhhhh," he said steering me as far away from the adult area as possible. He stopped, and turned me to face the display (it was an endcap full of peanut butter), "Stay right here," he instructed. After making our purchase and leaving the store, I remember falling off the sidewalk.

Reason #5 is lack of coordination. Okay, so I'm not that coordinated to start with but let me suck down a couple of Metro's patented orange and sangria margaritas, and I will literally fall out of my shoes, run into the walls and slide off the furniture, none of which are the traits I intentionally display while on a date.

Reason #6 is babbling. Get me drinking and I just can't shut up. After sliding onto Metro's floor, and trying to haul myself up by climbing his legs, I kept up an incessant, pleading monologue,"Please don't make me drive home I'll wrap my car around a telephone pole I really can't drive like this Please don't make me drive home..."

Reason #7 is the tequila headache. I'm fortunate in that I don't really have a hangover the next day and I've never puked my guts up after drinking a few, but give me tequila and I'll get a headache everytime. This annoying poking sensation in my forehead as if someone is trying to punch a hole in my brain so they can peek out. A headache that will last for 24 hours no matter if I've had 1 margarita or 10.

Now I've learned to enjoy alcohol in different ways. I love the rummy goodness in the Red Onion's chocolate tres leches cake. Or rum brownies (especially tasty with Capt. Morgan's coconut rum). Marsala wine sauce with pasta. You get the idea.

And so did the Ex, who quickly learned that where alcohol is concerned, "Just a little for you" is a good rule to follow.