I have dated Hank Hill.
Everyone in Texas can identify with the Fox network show King of the Hill, www.fox.com/kingofthehill/, but I have personally dated Hank Hill, and he lives in Cleveland, Texas and just like his TV counterpart he sells propane and propane accessories (and a few antiques for his momma.)
Hank just happens to be quite possibly the richest man in Cleveland and he's certainly the only one driving a Lexus SUV. At the back of the propane shop/store/office is a sizeable break room complete with kitchenette that originally was built for the delivery drivers to have a place to relax and stay the occasional night. But Hank has converted it into his very own efficiency apartment complete with big screen TV and Bob Timberlake furniture.
When I met Hank he had suffered a string of bad luck. His dog died. His fiance left him. His house burnt down. His boat was wrecked. His sister sank his wave runner. He wrecked a rental car in the Nevada desert and knocked out a bunch of his teeth.
Hank's woes really pulled at my heart strings and I just knew I would be the start of good things for him.
It was Christmas time so we did a lot of seasonal things together. We watched my favorite Christmas special "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown". ( Hank bought me the dvd even though I only owned a vcr.) We went to look at Christmas lights. We went Christmas shopping. And of course I invited him to the party thrown by my closest friends.
He agreed to go and at the last minute, as I was ready and waiting for him to pick me up, he declined. (This is when I should have known to get out, but I was younger and more naive.)
I went to the festivities and when I returned, Hank calls me, and I was none too happy. I had to go by myself. He had changed his mind at the last minute. Everyone was expecting him to go. How could he embarass me in front of all my friends. Standard guilt trip line. And he says, "But I was gonna surprise you. I had decided to go and wanted it to be a surprise."
"But you never showed up. If you were gonna surprise me, what happened?"
"I was on my way over and I stopped at the little store to buy some hairspray. I just ran in for a minute and while I was in there...they stole the Lexus."
"What?! The $649 a month Lexus? You did have the alarm set, didn't you?"
"Uh....no. I just ran in for a minute."
The smoke started to clear and I realized what had really happened. "Hank, did you leave the car running?"
"I just ran in for a minute."
"You left the keys in the ignition with the engine running, the doors unlocked and the alarm disabled so you could buy hairspray?!!"
"I just ran in for a minute."
Now folks, you might be saying, surely she ended this relationship now, but I must confess I was awed by his stupidity and felt sorry for him cuz the Lexus was the last thing he owned, well, apart from the propane and propane accessories business, the big screen tv and the Bob Timberlake furnishings. But it was Christmas and his Lexus was stolen, so I felt bad for him.
"But I have some bad news."
"Worse than the Lexus being stolen? "
"Well, things have been real busy at the shop and I never got around to unloading the Christmas presents."
Oh, that sucks. I thought of all the stuff we'd bought and picked out for his family and the foster children in the Philippines. But there was still time to get new stuff. (Yes, I actually believed there were foster children in the Philippines."
"Your Christmas present was in the truck."
"MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT WAS STOLEN???" I didn't know I had a Christmas present but was thoroughly devestated to learn of it's loss.
"I'll have my friend Mary go get you another one." Well, gee, that's romantic. If ever there was a time for a little white lie, this was it.
So on Christmas Eve, Hank comes to pick me up in his momma's Mercedes SUV. (Not nearly as nice or comfortable as the Lexus, let me tell you.) And I go off to my first and only Hill family Christmas. After we eat and the family opens presents, I hinted that we should go back to Hank's place and do our own Christmas.
We get to the shop and are watching TV on the Bob Timberlake bed complete with blinking Christmas lights, and the phone rings. It's a customer. His propane tank is low and it's gonna be cold, maybe even snow. Would Hank mind making a run right now?
Let's enter the mind of Hank for a minute. Well, gee Mr. Inconsiderate Customer, it's Christmas Eve, and I was snuggled up on my new king size bed with a pretty cute girl I've been seeing. We were just about to exchange gifts and do a little kissing under the mistletoe...but what the hell, I'm sure she won't mind! I'm on my way!
I thought he'd leave me at the shop while he made this "emergency" run. I'd watch some TV and we'd celebrate when he returned. But no. He wanted me to come so I could "understand the nature of the business".
Exactly, I argued. Business. "The business is closed today; it's Christmas Eve. Mr. Inconsiderate Customer knew his tank was low and should have called you yesterday. It's rude to call you during family time and expect you to drop everything for him."
"But that's the business. If we'd met in the summer we'd be living the life of Reilly." He really said that, I kid you not.
We drove out to the sticks where Mr. Inconsiderate Customer lives. Not that Cleveland is a major metropolis or anything, but we went about 3 towns out from the shop to make the delivery. Hank got out and hooked the hose up to the tank and started the pump as I sat in the cab. Mr. Inconsiderate Customer came over to introduce himself and to ask, "Aren't you gonna help?"
WHAT?!
It's Christmas Eve. I'm dressed up. I was in cream colored slacks and a cream colored sweater. I could envision propane splashing on my clothes and the smell never coming out.
So a couple days later Hank calls me at work. "I almost sent you flowers."
"What? Why didn't you?"
"I had my cousin (secretary) call the flower places here in town (all 3 of them) and there's a big funeral today and they're busy. You can call her and ask if you don't believe me." And I hear her in the background confirming this pathetic story.
Well, there's always tomorrow. Maybe you can send them then.
"Well...I almost sent you flowers."
But he didn't. And I came to realize that I wasn't bringing good things to Hank's life, but he was surely dragging me down.
But at least I have bragging rights. I have after all dated Hank Hill.
Hank just happens to be quite possibly the richest man in Cleveland and he's certainly the only one driving a Lexus SUV. At the back of the propane shop/store/office is a sizeable break room complete with kitchenette that originally was built for the delivery drivers to have a place to relax and stay the occasional night. But Hank has converted it into his very own efficiency apartment complete with big screen TV and Bob Timberlake furniture.
When I met Hank he had suffered a string of bad luck. His dog died. His fiance left him. His house burnt down. His boat was wrecked. His sister sank his wave runner. He wrecked a rental car in the Nevada desert and knocked out a bunch of his teeth.
Hank's woes really pulled at my heart strings and I just knew I would be the start of good things for him.
It was Christmas time so we did a lot of seasonal things together. We watched my favorite Christmas special "Merry Christmas Charlie Brown". ( Hank bought me the dvd even though I only owned a vcr.) We went to look at Christmas lights. We went Christmas shopping. And of course I invited him to the party thrown by my closest friends.
He agreed to go and at the last minute, as I was ready and waiting for him to pick me up, he declined. (This is when I should have known to get out, but I was younger and more naive.)
I went to the festivities and when I returned, Hank calls me, and I was none too happy. I had to go by myself. He had changed his mind at the last minute. Everyone was expecting him to go. How could he embarass me in front of all my friends. Standard guilt trip line. And he says, "But I was gonna surprise you. I had decided to go and wanted it to be a surprise."
"But you never showed up. If you were gonna surprise me, what happened?"
"I was on my way over and I stopped at the little store to buy some hairspray. I just ran in for a minute and while I was in there...they stole the Lexus."
"What?! The $649 a month Lexus? You did have the alarm set, didn't you?"
"Uh....no. I just ran in for a minute."
The smoke started to clear and I realized what had really happened. "Hank, did you leave the car running?"
"I just ran in for a minute."
"You left the keys in the ignition with the engine running, the doors unlocked and the alarm disabled so you could buy hairspray?!!"
"I just ran in for a minute."
Now folks, you might be saying, surely she ended this relationship now, but I must confess I was awed by his stupidity and felt sorry for him cuz the Lexus was the last thing he owned, well, apart from the propane and propane accessories business, the big screen tv and the Bob Timberlake furnishings. But it was Christmas and his Lexus was stolen, so I felt bad for him.
"But I have some bad news."
"Worse than the Lexus being stolen? "
"Well, things have been real busy at the shop and I never got around to unloading the Christmas presents."
Oh, that sucks. I thought of all the stuff we'd bought and picked out for his family and the foster children in the Philippines. But there was still time to get new stuff. (Yes, I actually believed there were foster children in the Philippines."
"Your Christmas present was in the truck."
"MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT WAS STOLEN???" I didn't know I had a Christmas present but was thoroughly devestated to learn of it's loss.
"I'll have my friend Mary go get you another one." Well, gee, that's romantic. If ever there was a time for a little white lie, this was it.
So on Christmas Eve, Hank comes to pick me up in his momma's Mercedes SUV. (Not nearly as nice or comfortable as the Lexus, let me tell you.) And I go off to my first and only Hill family Christmas. After we eat and the family opens presents, I hinted that we should go back to Hank's place and do our own Christmas.
We get to the shop and are watching TV on the Bob Timberlake bed complete with blinking Christmas lights, and the phone rings. It's a customer. His propane tank is low and it's gonna be cold, maybe even snow. Would Hank mind making a run right now?
Let's enter the mind of Hank for a minute. Well, gee Mr. Inconsiderate Customer, it's Christmas Eve, and I was snuggled up on my new king size bed with a pretty cute girl I've been seeing. We were just about to exchange gifts and do a little kissing under the mistletoe...but what the hell, I'm sure she won't mind! I'm on my way!
I thought he'd leave me at the shop while he made this "emergency" run. I'd watch some TV and we'd celebrate when he returned. But no. He wanted me to come so I could "understand the nature of the business".
Exactly, I argued. Business. "The business is closed today; it's Christmas Eve. Mr. Inconsiderate Customer knew his tank was low and should have called you yesterday. It's rude to call you during family time and expect you to drop everything for him."
"But that's the business. If we'd met in the summer we'd be living the life of Reilly." He really said that, I kid you not.
We drove out to the sticks where Mr. Inconsiderate Customer lives. Not that Cleveland is a major metropolis or anything, but we went about 3 towns out from the shop to make the delivery. Hank got out and hooked the hose up to the tank and started the pump as I sat in the cab. Mr. Inconsiderate Customer came over to introduce himself and to ask, "Aren't you gonna help?"
WHAT?!
It's Christmas Eve. I'm dressed up. I was in cream colored slacks and a cream colored sweater. I could envision propane splashing on my clothes and the smell never coming out.
So a couple days later Hank calls me at work. "I almost sent you flowers."
"What? Why didn't you?"
"I had my cousin (secretary) call the flower places here in town (all 3 of them) and there's a big funeral today and they're busy. You can call her and ask if you don't believe me." And I hear her in the background confirming this pathetic story.
Well, there's always tomorrow. Maybe you can send them then.
"Well...I almost sent you flowers."
But he didn't. And I came to realize that I wasn't bringing good things to Hank's life, but he was surely dragging me down.
But at least I have bragging rights. I have after all dated Hank Hill.
posted by TrisaTx at
7:57 PM
1 Comments:
This should be submitted to your essay contest. I'm a big fan of King Of The Hill, and Hank would do something just like this. Remember Hank is married to 2 ladies, Peggy and "Lady Propane". He actually said something like that in one of the episodes.
By
Anonymous, at 9:06 PM
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